You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
