About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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