she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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