Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
