i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
