life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
