I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
