I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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