it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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