....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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