I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
