my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
