Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
