I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
