does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
