I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
