I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
