so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
