i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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