I'm going to jail i love you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you win again, gameday.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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