let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're like the curious george of whores
did i walk over a car last night?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
