we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
