That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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