Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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