Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
