I'm lost and stupid without you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
