She announced her abortion via fbk
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
