The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize