Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
