the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
