she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
