whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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