his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
