help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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