Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
