she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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