It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
