So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
