it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
