Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
