now i know why i became what i already was.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
