So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
