I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
well you can't waste a boner
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The power of my boobs compel you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
