I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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