Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
