Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
