so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
