It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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