i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
