YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize