Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
