Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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