At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
