I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just had sex bonerless
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
