I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
