I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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