She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
