fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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