He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
