M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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