Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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