Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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