So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
