his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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